What to Do About Separation Anxiety

http://life2getherblog.com/2010/09/16/on-separation-anxiety/

Separation Anxiety is what your baby may be experiencing if she suddenly begins crying when you leave the room.  This phenomenon, common among children ages 10  to 18 months, correlates with your baby's achievement of the object permanence milestone.

First observed by Jean Piaget, object permanence is when a young infant realizes that an object currently out of view has not disappeared and therefore can be searched for. There are many stages to this milestone.  Your child is showing signs of object permanence when she is interested in games like Peek-A-Boo, Jack-in-the-Box and dropping a ball down a tube.

As exciting as it is to know your young one is reaching milestones, separation anxiety is stressful for parent as well as baby.  There are a number of things you can do to ease the anxiety, such as staying close to baby, leaving baby with a well known caregiver and transitioning her into childcare by taking frequent visits to the facility before your first big day.

When your child shows signs of anxiety, it is very important that you do not sneak out of the room.  This seems to be the easiest fix however, it is counter productive in that it enforces your babies misconception that you have disappeared.  Eventually, your baby will learn that Mommy and Daddy always come back and she is in good hands until you return.  Separation Anxiety is considered a normal stage of development and most children pass this stage by 24 months.

But what to do when the parent is the one with the separation anxiety?  For many mommies, leaving baby behind is a kin to leaving an arm with someone while going out to get some fresh air.  Many adults do not understand this feeling and give advice like, "Leaving the baby is good for her and you," or the not so helpful, "She's in good hands, go relax and have fun."  Separation anxiety in mothers can cause physical symptoms such as shortness of breath and agitation.  Some mothers even report hearing baby cries, making the goal of relaxing very difficult.

No matter what anyone tells you, remember that you are the parent and therefore you know what is best for your child.  If anxiety in either you or your child is causing unwanted stress in your family, it is not "good" to be unnecessarily separated.  This stage will not last forever, in either you or your child, so if staying close to baby is right for you right now, then by all means, cuddle away.

However, if your goal is to have anxiety free outings away from baby, and especially if your goal is to go back to a full time job outside the home, be sure to easy your way into it.  If your or your baby's anxiety is sever enough, you may have to start with a 10 minute walk around the block as a type of dress rehearsal for the big day out.  Ideally, leave baby with a permeant care giver like a grandparent or the babysitter you plan on using for longer outings (leaving your baby with your spouse will not help your anxiety if your goal includes having a date night).  As the anxiety decreases and your able to leave for longer periods of time, plan on doing something you can't do with baby in toe like going dancing with your spouse, taking a Zumba class or getting a massage.

Young childhood will go by so quickly.  Soon your baby will barely hug you in public let alone scream when you leave the room.  Have peace that this phase will pass and be sure to make the most of the time you spend with your little one!